*gasp*
Yes, it's true.
I, Caroline Bradbury, take nudes.
Like many other people in this millennial/gen z age, technology is our gateway to connection, information, and in some cases liberation.
Let’s back track a bit. I grew up in a decently conservative Christian, suburban, white, family. I had “the talk” with my mom, but besides that there was absolutely no talk about sex, periods, my boobs, and especially BOYS. (as well as girls and non-binary people, that wasn’t even considered an option.)
To be fair, I think the adults that were supposed to teach us these things were not equipped with the tools they needed to sexually liberate themselves in the world. I feel like our generation has had to do a lot of digging, and I commend ourselves for that. It took me a long time to not put the blame directly on my parents for the shame I felt towards my own sexual evolution. So naturally, I grew up as a child that suppressed literally everything.
And the thing was, I wanted to be pure. I wanted to save myself. (ahhhh, times have changed) I wanted to be ignorant. There’s a lot of power in ignorance. The less I knew about sex, the easier it was to be pure. The less I knew, the more fearful I became that I would be ruined, dirty, go to hell, etc.
Being in a town and community where your purity is valued is so completely suffocating. So, moving to Philadelphia changed everything.
The friends I was making and the work I was doing absolutely propelled me into a space of acceptance I've never been in before. We were allowed to explore who we were and not be punished for it. I keep thinking about late nights in the Furness dorms sipping wine and telling stories with Mads, Lily, Kira, Nico, Kat, and Natalie. Those moments literally changed the makeup of who I am now, and I love them all so damn much for that no matter where we all are in the world. They all taught me that it's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to have fun, it's okay to explore.
I could make a huge list of the people that led me down a path of shamelessness, and it's probably everyone I've ever talked to at UArts. After awhile of practicing forgiveness for myself and truly living as the person I always longed to be, I started diving into embodying my sexual self.
And I think the gateway to that for me was, you guessed it, nudes.
Amongst my friend group at school over the years we've all done our fair share of nude taking. (hehe called out) And I think that's really beautiful. The absolute trust and bravery it takes to even take a selfie for me at the beginning of college was so intense. I could barely even look at myself in the mirror due to the build up of shame I felt about my body, so how was I even going to let myself be looked at by a sexual partner?
So I started with selfies as a personal practice. This got better and better, although I think coming to terms with my face was definitely the hardest part of this process. I knew I was making strides to truly accepting my appearance and the body I was given.
Over time, I slowly made my way to taking photos in my underwear, and then finally one day I just ripped off the band-aid and went fully, you guessed it, NUDE.
Standing there looking at myself in the mirror and knowing I was confident enough to snap a photo that might exist somewhere out there in the cloud forever was a huge step, because I knew for me that it meant that I could have someone see that and be okay with how I looked. Actually, I think it's more that I didn't care what they thought, I knew that I accepted me, and that was all I needed.
It also became a sort of spiritual, quiet moment for myself too. Feeling confident and capturing it was something I never thought I would ever do, but there I was doing it.
Nudes for me are a part of my consistent erotic practice. If I move through the world filled with confidence, desire, and pleasure, I know life for me will be fulfilling and meaningful. If I shielded myself away from these desires and stayed in the realm of ignorance towards sex, I know I would have been terrified and insecure for everyday I was alive.
Maybe this manifests for you in buying yourself a nice piece of lingerie or new sex toy or texting a new sexual partner something spicy. (maybe a nude? xD) Whatever it is, I encourage you to keep an erotic practice in your life, because I know for me living a life fueled by the erotic has changed everything. And maybe that's dancing, writing poetry, taking a bath, etc. There's no limit to what your practice could be, it's really down to whatever you desire. That's what really matters.
What's your erotic practice!? Tell me!
(***ALSO DISCLAIMER**** please, please be careful in the practice of taking and sending nudes. while it did help me on my journey it can be an extremely dangerous path to go down. please please please, be over the age of 18 before taking any photos with any exposed body parts and if you plan on sending these to anyone make sure it is someone you trust completely and do it on a secure platform. people can really find whatever they want on platforms like snapchat/instagram so please be careful!!! text messages are definitely the more safe and secure route when it comes to sending nudes. STAY SAFE OUT THERE)
xoxo
caro
Comments