Ever since quarantine started and I was back living in my hometown, I noticed that my routine of course changed, but it also kind of found its way back to how it was in high school. I found that the things that brought me comfort still did in the same way through college, but the way I see things, and specifically take pictures and write, has somehow found its way back to my fourteen year old brain.
If I were to describe myself with any quote, it would probably be one of the first lines of Donna Tartt’s The Secret History when she is talking about fatal flaws and mentions, “And I think that mine is this: a morbid longing for the picturesque at all costs.” Growing up I craved a world where everything was built by movies and music. Every room in every house would be dedicated to the aesthetic of every movie I loved and hopefully all of the best songs were secretly about people I might fall in love with. For years, this thought process really influenced the way I lived, having coffee beside the window every morning, book in hand, or movie night being a hyper-curated event, a picturesque affair for no one but me. I was forced to let go of this to an extent as I got older, but I still do my best to hold on to the way I cherished these moments.
Now that I’m back home, it feels important to get back into those ways, as if building the world around me was a constant coping mechanism that I never really understood until I was forced back into it. All I can say is that I welcome it with open arms, because if it helped me then I’m sure it will help me now, and I’ve never minded the few extra moments to choose the fancy mug, re-stack the books, or light the extra candles before a bath.
The proof in the metaphorical pudding:
2014
2013
--Tash
so beautiful tash